Employment Do’s and Don’ts

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Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome

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Summary
Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome (NES) afflicts many people in the current job market; they see themselves as special, and deserving of whatever they want at the expense of others. NES puts these people on a collision course with failure. Even if they do not themselves fail, colleagues with NES can negatively affect you; avoid NES and people afflicted with it at all costs.

Eraser deleting the word Narcissism

The word “narcissism” comes from the Greek character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection and was made famous by the Greek poet Ovid. The story is one of great psychological complexity. In the story, Echo falls in love with Narcissus and gets rejected. The story makes it clear that Narcissus is only able to love himself and not others. Conversely, Echo completely loses herself in her love for Narcissus and has no sense of self at all. At the end of the story, Narcissus tells Echo, “I would die before I would give you power over me,” and Echo responds, “I give you power over me.” Both Narcissus and Echo die because their love is unattainable. They, like many of us, cannot find a balance between themselves and others. 

One of the greatest problems facing many people in the job market today is what I call Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome (“NES”). This is especially prevalent among the younger people of this generation. I would also argue that it is the reason why the United States of America is experiencing an overall decline in terms of economic productivity and its contribution to the world. I first started noticing NES several years ago amongst recent graduates of elite law schools. Over the past five or six years I have watched NES infect a large proportion of young workers in the United States, and spread beyond this to many seasoned members of the job market.

People who suffer from NES often find themselves out of a job very quickly-whether they quit, are fired, or simply move between employers to deal with their disorder. I need to be clear that this, in my opinion, is an extremely serious subject, and something I believe probably more than 10 percent of the workforce suffers from. I am talking about a disorder I see virtually every week in my conversations with young workers in the job market-and older ones as well-and it is something that can cause your career to self destruct.

What

 job title, keywords

Where

 city, state, zip



NES is something that is not easily defined but, in its simplest form, it is demonstrated by a person being inwardly focused and oblivious to the people and organizations that he or she are supposed to serve. I link the concepts of “entitlement” and “narcissism” when discussing this syndrome because the sense of entitlement most often has classic narcissistic undertones. People with NES see themselves as special, believe they should have whatever they want regardless of the feelings of others, and continually inflate themselves while putting others down. There are five major characteristics that people with NES often exhibit:

First, they are generally preoccupied with fantasies of limitless brilliance, power, and success. While these types of thoughts may occur from time to time even amongst healthy people, the person with NES will generally be quite consumed by these fantasies. Advancement and achievement are extremely important to them and they envision the environment around them as one where they should be the center of all others’ attention due to their achievements.

Second, people with NES generally have an exaggerated sense of self importance that is not commensurate with their actual level of achievement. They expect to be recognized as superior to others without a corresponding level of achievement. People with NES will also generally exaggerate their achievements to those around them. Indeed, people with NES like to speak about their achievements (and do so) quite frequently. As a product of these fantasies, the person will often possess a very arrogant attitude. People with NES believe they are “special,” and that they should only associate with and work for other high-status people and institutions.

Third, a person with NES generally lacks empathy and is unwilling (or unable) to identify with the needs or feelings of others. Interpersonally, they are often quite exploitative, taking advantage of others in order to achieve their own ends. In this respect, people with NES often view those around them as objects to be manipulated in service of their ultimate fantasies of power.

Fourth, people with NES are most often very envious of those around them, particularly those who have advantages they themselves do not. At the same time people with NES believe that others are also envious of them.

Fifth, people with NES require excessive admiration. They need constant approval from those around them. People with NES believe that they should be constantly admired by others.

While the psychological underpinnings of all this could certainly be explored in great detail, the narcissism is usually something that the person has developed as a façade and coping mechanism to deal with underlying feelings of defectiveness and isolation. When such people and their work are criticized, they often react with great internal rage because they believe their self image has been deflated. Their response is often to further isolate themselves, and they may do so by leaving the profession they are in, switching employers, or simply directing their rage at those who have criticized them.

There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy narcissism within a company. It is, of course, healthy to have a basic sense of your rights. You have a right to be treated fairly, and you also have a right to be proud of your achievements and to tell others about them. Narcissism becomes unhealthy, however, if you become obsessed with having people think you are special, and if you have not just a sense of your own rights–but no regard for the rights of others.

In an essay, “Working with Problems of Narcissism in Entrepreneurial Organizations,” Richard Ruth of the University of Virginia writes:

Contemporary practitioners, both clinical and organizational, are faced with the pervasive presence of narcissistic disorders in those who consult us. It is a disquieting encounter, because–even as we recognize that our work to understand and assist persons and organizations with narcissistic pathology has increased the reach and efficacy of our interventions, and the lessons of this work in turn have transformatively impacted psychoanalytic theories-there are particular qualities at work with narcissism that are painful to work with analytically, perhaps in significant part because they militate against a defensive introduction of non-analytic methods into analytic work. It is in the nature of narcissistically organized persons, and perhaps also, I will argue, narcissistic organizations, to deny the reality of the other (i.e., the analyst), to wrench the analyst into playing a hated but necessary part in the patient’s internal drama, to try to disable or destroy the analyst in the service of a soothing return to a narcissistic self-sufficiency, and to project onto the analyst, with resentful hatred, a whole internal world of persecutory and toxic part-objects, as the first step toward eventual understanding, health, and wholeness.

While this quote may seem overly complex, it does elucidate a final characteristic of NES that I believe merits consideration: That a person with NES will not confront his or her weaknesses because doing so would interfere with his or her inflated sense of self. Instead, institutions and individuals that call into question that sense of self of the person with NES are perceived by the person as toxic objects. As a final point, this explains why people with NES may change employers frequently or leave their chosen profession.

I realize that the picture painted above of NES may appear extreme, however it is important to note that NES is s quite common, especially among the highest performing people inside most organizations. Again, I would estimate that over 10 percent of people starting their careers in major firms have NES and will have more difficult careers for that reason.

People with NES are generally the people who have come from the very best schools and have had a historical pattern of academic achievement that is nothing short of extraordinary. NES is something that can actually create the sort of super achiever who shows up to work and truly excels. In a scholastic environment, where such persons have the luxury of choosing most of their courses, working hard, and getting immediate feedback via grades, and in conditions that demand performance at a high academic level, persons with NES are likely to thrive.

It is very easy for me to pick up the signs of NES when speaking with young people in the job market and others. People with NES generally believe that they should be given the type of work that they want. They also tend to believe that they are extremely intelligent and valuable to their employer. In addition, these sorts of people tend to be very calculating, analyzing most situations vis-à-vis whether or not they are getting the upper hand. If they are criticized by their employer, they may simply leave, rather than facing the possibility of any shortcomings in ability or performance.

As a recruiter I can tell you that I see this occur frequently. Because our firm solicits telephone calls and interest from the highest caliber people on a daily basis, the NES person is one of the types of people we often speak with. The following similarities generally define the people with NES, whom I speak with:

-They generally have not worked at a “real job” before starting as a first-year associate inside a law firm;

-They generally did exceptionally well in college and attended a top 10 law school (NES, in fact, appears to be more likely to occur in a person who has attended better law schools);

-They generally come from a sheltered, upper middle-class background, or their parents are academics;

-They generally believe they are smarter than the people they are working with.

In essence, people with NES would likely never have made it into a prestigious law firm had they not been sheltered by school, parents, and others for so long. The artificial academic environment, the home environment of privilege, the constant positive feedback from academic institutions (where social dynamics are not as emphasized as much as common academics might have been), and the lack of prior work experience all serve to isolate the person with NES, allowing their condition to grow in the absence of a “real world” environment. While I would be the first to argue that a law firm is not necessarily a real world environment, it is much more like the real world than a school or a sheltered upper middle-class upbringing is.

The issue with NES inside a law firm and other organizations is that the persons with this disorder are primarily in service of themselves. For the most part, working for an organization is something that is not going to quickly lead to massive glory, riches, or fame. Instead, employees are hired to work hard to make money for their firm. There may be little opportunity for the sort of continual positive feedback and the kind of reassurances the NES person needs, and may be used to from his or her upbringing.

What usually happens to the NES persons is that he or she does not hold up well against the initial criticism that all new workers in most companies receive–no matter how constructive the criticism may be.  The person do not take orders well, nor do they understand why others are considered to be their peers. Such people most often leave the employer quickly with fantasies about achievement in a much higher caliber work environment. Or, they may switch between firms for a few years. Some start their own businesses-most of which fail. A few stick with it and become better employees.

While this topic has gone largely unexplored, it is very real and it affects numerous people-especially the ones who appear strongest on paper. I do not pretend to know the answers. Certainly, the inability to find a balance between one’s self and others is a serious condition. Recognizing the presence of a problem like this is usually the first step. The second step, then, would be correcting the problem by getting help. The biggest challenge in dealing with this condition, though, is that those who need help are not likely to ever realize or admit they have it.

If you have completed reading this article, you most likely do not have NES because, if you did, you would not confront it by reading all the way through. You would have stopped several paragraphs ago. What you should understand, though, is that the people you work with who have NES are likely on a dangerous collision course with failure. If the NES person does not fail within your organization, the chances are great he or she can negatively affect you if you work with him or her. Do your best to avoid NES people.

THE LESSON

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Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome (NES) afflicts many people in the current job market; they see themselves as special, and deserving of whatever they want at the expense of others. NES puts these people on a collision course with failure. Even if they do not themselves fail, colleagues with NES can negatively affect you; avoid NES and people afflicted with it at all costs.

Read More About Never Act Entitled:

 

  • http://nyhwa.org Mike

    Your article was very informative as I have been studying NPD since making the connection between such and certain types of workplace bullies. Research is supporting your findings that Generation Y will be more narcissistic than previous generations and this has serious ramifications in the workplace. While some bullies are just poor managers who bully through fear but out of fear (that they do not have the skills to peform the job at hand and fear discovery of such), the NPD or personality disordered bully is much more damaging to the employee and the employers bottom line. At present time I have to disagree that NES employees will find themselves unemployed as research into workplace bullying and NPD finds otherwise. NPD bullies were likely NES employees early in their career and at some point find success to elevate themselves to the detriment of the employee andemployer. If NES employees are like their NPD counterparts, very few researchers and psychologists support that they can learn from their mistakes and change their personality to become more effective and health people. In either case, NES and NPD employees are a hazard to the workplace and employees alike. The question will be how to address this behavior to gain the benefits they may provide in the workplace and society without damaging the health and livelihood of employees and damaging the bottom line of an employer.

    Mike did not rate this post.
  • Roma

    It is absolutely the best advice – “Do your best to avoid NES people”,
    however, it is also very important what kind of support can be received from employer (if any), in case if we need to deal with NES people for some time at work .
    Roma

    Roma did not rate this post.
  • Shabbir Kanchwala

    Your article was very informative as I have been studying NPD since making the connection between such and certain types of workplace bullies. Research is supporting your findings that Generation Y will be more narcissistic than previous generations and this has serious ramifications in the workplace. While some bullies are just poor managers who bully through fear but out of fear (that they do not have the skills to peform the job at hand and fear discovery of such), the NPD or personality disordered bully is much more damaging to the employee and the employers bottom line. At present time I have to disagree that NES employees will find themselves unemployed as research into workplace bullying and NPD finds otherwise. NPD bullies were likely NES employees early in their career and at some point find success to elevate themselves to the detriment of the employee andemployer. If NES employees are like their NPD counterparts, very few researchers and psychologists support that they can learn from their mistakes and change their personality to become more effective and health people. In either case, NES and NPD employees are a hazard to the workplace and employees alike. The question will be how to address this behavior to gain the benefits they may provide in the workplace and society without damaging the health and livelihood of employees and damaging the bottom line of an employe

    Shabbir Kanchwala did not rate this post.
  • Shabbir Kanchwala

    I Like Your Article Because it gives so much information on the Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome(NES) Present In The Younger People Like Us. This can be very helpful in our everyday social life Thank you.

    Shabbir Kanchwala

    Shabbir Kanchwala did not rate this post.
  • BurninGFire

    Your article was very informative as I have been studying NPD since making the connection between such and certain types of workplace bullies. Research is supporting your findings that Generation Y will be more narcissistic than previous generations and this has serious ramifications in the workplace. While some bullies are just poor managers who bully through fear but out of fear (that they do not have the skills to peform the job at hand and fear discovery of such), the NPD or personality disordered bully is much more damaging to the employee and the employers bottom line. At present time I have to disagree that NES employees will find themselves unemployed as research into workplace bullying and NPD finds otherwise. NPD bullies were likely NES employees early in their career and at some point find success to elevate themselves to the detriment of the employee andemployer. If NES employees are like their NPD counterparts, very few researchers and psychologists support that they can learn from their mistakes and change their personality to become more effective and health people. In either case, NES and NPD employees are a hazard to the workplace and employees alike. The question will be how to address this behavior to gain the benefits they may provide in the workplace and society without damaging the health and livelihood of employees and damaging the bottom line of an employe…..

    I Like Your Article Because it gives so much information on the Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome(NES) Present In The Younger People Like Us. This can be very helpful in our everyday social life Thank you.

    BurninGFire did not rate this post.
  • BurninGFire

    I Like Your Article Because it gives so much information on the Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome(NES) Present In The Younger People Like Us. This can be very helpful in our everyday social life Thank you.

    BurninGFire did not rate this post.
  • BurninGFire

    It is absolutely the best advice – “Do your best to avoid NES people”,
    however, it is also very important what kind of support can be received from employer (if any), in case if we need to deal with NES people for some time at work .

    BurninGFire did not rate this post.
  • Dee

    Your advise to stay away from people like this is spot on, but I must strongly disagree with you in one area. NES people come from all backgrounds. I’m talking about differing cultures, economic means, educational backgrounds, etc. One does not have to achieve some amount of success in order to feel superior to others, it is ingrained in them from a very early age. They are in a state of arrested emotional development, which is why it is so pervasive. They have never entered the “age of reason” which usually occurs by the age of six. This is why many of their behaviors and ways of communicating are so immature.
    It is the intelligent ones that can hide it best, however, because it does take some amount of smarts to be a master manipulator, but less intelligent ones exist for certain, they are just easier to spot.

    Dee did not rate this post.
  • Beth Faircloth

    I love this article. I was always aware of people like this, but wasn’t informed on its actual title (NES) Thank you so much for the information.

    Beth Faircloth did not rate this post.
  • http://www.kollace.com vazrakar

    Many people like us will be helped by this article, because it was really a interesting article

    vazrakar did not rate this post.
  • orknotone

    A good explanation of a difficult and contested subject area. Are these people mad or bad? At times I guess that the answer is both. Sometimes , as the article suggests, it’s the people with these conditions who seem to reach high positions in our society. Perhaps it has something to do with a capitalist society in which self-interest is promoted over the communal good.

    orknotone did not rate this post.
  • SJ

    wow, i never really knew about the controversy behind this. i do feel that you gave a good explanation on such a complecated subject. However, maybe if possible you could do another post about some examples of modern day people?

    SJ did not rate this post.
  • Sam

    One of the worst things with these kind of people is that every so often someone in middle or upper managment will buy into their self ideals and back them up making the work place a nightmare for all the other people who have to deal with a “genuis” who never learned how to do their job. Then because they’re so “perfect” all the mistakes that go on around them get blamed on other folks reguardless if they were involved in the project or not.

    Sam did not rate this post.
  • Kitty

    Good insights IF the young job seekers really do have clinical NPD and if they want a senior-level position fresh out of law school.

    But honestly, I take this with a grain of salt because I hear the word “entitlement” being tossed around to describe any and every new college grad who lacks “real world experience” because… big freaking DUH!… they couldn’t do full-time school and full-time work at the same time.

    I don’t think I’ve met a whole lot of “entitled” Gen Y people. Maybe I just haven’t run with the wrong crowds lately. Or maybe some senior executive (on the way to his golden parachute after breaking Wall Street) cried a river because some hot young thing rejected his advances and started the whole “everyone under 30 doesn’t know what’s good for them” spiel.

    One symptom of REAL “narcissistic personality disorder” is ascribing it left and right to everyone around them… especially, when the alleged narcissists are the women, minorities, and young’uns who won’t stay in “their place.” It’s called Projection, honey!

    Kitty did not rate this post.
  • Sarah

    I agree 100! Great article. There are too many spoiled brats out there who have corrupted good working environments.

    Sarah did not rate this post.
  • Dave

    I have located and read this article because I have dealt on a personal level with a few women whom I have labeled as having “entitlement syndrome” without ever having heard the term before (aren’t I superior !!!) so I seek to understand this more thoroughly.

    Dave did not rate this post.
  • Kathleen Rabe

    I receive emails from Law Crossing and have now read two of your articles. I have begun to believe that you suffer from the problem of generalizing about the world around you. In the prior article, you generalized about negative attitudes that were most often found in older workers. This time you oversimplify by attacking younger workers. Nowhere in your article did you acknowledge that the narcissism you describe is firmly entrenched on Wall Street and in corporate boardrooms. While I have no doubt that the attitude you describe is real, perhaps you should consider recruiting from non-ivy league schools, and you may be delighted to find many hard-working young people that were not born with a sense of entitlement. I have known many wealthy people, and many treat their children from birth as if they are God’s gift to the universe. As a consequence, they buy their children into the best schools or get them admitted due to “relationships”. If your clients don’t like the catch, try casting into new ponds.

    Kathleen Rabe did not rate this post.
  • ben

    Good afternoon,

    So what are possible cures for people with NES kinds of symptoms? Is there feedback that you have given to people with these symptoms that has helped them to reflect and repair their affliction?

    Thank you

    ben did not rate this post.
  • Jill Evans

    Thinking about this article, I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to know if someone has NES because their are so many distractions in the work place that it may easily go unnoticed. I wish I would be able to spot something like this right away so I didn’t waste my time and probably get taken advantage of. Hmmm I think my bf may have NHS with food.

    Jill Evans did not rate this post.
  • Robert Gussio

    Great observations and article! Could this syndrome reflect a byproduct of current American attitudes towards a benevolent government or possibly a natural order of human evolution towards an idealistic concept of society such as socialism?

    Robert Gussio did not rate this post.
  • Dara norman

    Thx 4 this article on NES. NES is dangerous, yes, I agree, however I would not say that all “NES-ers” fail-no, I would look to “derivative swaps” and mortgage lending practices , etc as evidence that NES-ers and that NES ethos is the ethics of law and business today. Your article gives insight that can change this zeitgeist
    Best wishes. Dara

    Dara norman did not rate this post.
  • You know

    I see that you had an entire article about this. Normally I get nothing when I click on the read more article. In response if you believe that I have NES,I’d say you have your right to believe that. My life has been on the microscope for how long? Grades don’t define me, the Holy Spirit is what defines me. “oh, he think he’s better then everybody.” How? In what way? “oh he doesn’t talk to anybody. I didn’t set up the traps before me. I was taught as a young man listen twice as much as I speak. I have no problem serving people.

    You know did not rate this post.
  • http://richwheeler.blogspot.com Rich Wheeler

    This is brilliant. I would add another symptom: People often hide NES behind a mask bearing Echo’s image. They “care” for others only to the extent that it rationalizes and disguises their own sense of entitlement.

    Rich Wheeler did not rate this post.
  • Vince Waters

    Very good article. I have encountered NES in work and in life outside of work. Can you tell me how someone with NES will do in a marriage and having children? Thank you.

    Vince Waters did not rate this post.
  • Steven

    I read your article regarding “Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome” and I while I recognize that many of your observations have some truth to them, this article really does not capture the life of an associate attorney. In short, I think your taking something very rare, pulling a 10% statistic out of thin air based upon empirical (and thus not statistically relevant) conversations with job-seekers outside the law firm environment.

    Very few entry level associates come into the profession feeling arrogant because few schools teach actual lessons necessary to practice law. For example, most brand new associates do not even know what a Proof of Service is, or what documents constitute a motion (notice, memo of ps and as, declaration in support thereof, proposed order, etc). Arrogant or not, the first few months and perhaps even the first year, is filled with uncertainty and confusion where associates constantly rely on more senior attorneys and even firm staff to just survive. The type of behavior you are describing sounds more like a phenomenon that associates encounter later in their careers, after they have an idea what they are doing. But even there, associates at every level are fully aware of who has seniority and who has control.

    In general, the opinions of associates are generally not afforded great weight at law firms, which operate on a strict hierarchy. Yes, some deference is applied to research conclusions and basic suggestions, but not if those ideas contradict a more senior attorney. Speaking as an associate who has worked at two firms (one in LA and one in OC), an associate who gets out of line is generally shut down by a partner. Humility comes with this job, in my opinion.

    Yes, I recognize that a handful of associates like this exist in some places, and that it probably describes some people we know. However, your conversations with associates in the job-hunting context for is very different from how associates behave in a law firm environment.

    Essentially, I read your post as sort of a rant about how frustrated you are with some associates attorneys who are not realistic about their marketability and are unfairly venting their frustrations against you, not a real analysis of how associates operate in a law firm environment under the guidance (and near absolute control) of partners. I am more likely to vent at someone who is supposed to be my job hunting agent than anyone at work.

    Those are my two cents.

    Best,
    s

    Steven ratings for this post: Steven gives a rating of 1Steven gives a rating of 1Steven gives a rating of 1Steven gives a rating of 1Steven gives a rating of 1
  • Constance Louise Brigman

    I hear what you are saying. I second careered into law from a healthcare profession. So I see things from that perspective. A psychiatrist at a hospital where I worked told me that all professionals are neurotics because only a neurotic person would do what is required to become a doctor, lawyer, etc. Some people love serving others. The rest of them are in it for something else entirely.

    That being said, I accept that doctors and lawyers are not the only employees with NES. I manage my own firm. Today I am firing a new hire because she demands excessive attention and she expects to choose tasks that meet her personal needs and not those of the firm. She inflates her importance and she clearly dislikes being told what to do even though it is her job to do what she is asked to do. In short, this office assistant is there solely to meet her needs and not to meet mine (the managing attorney). The fact that I am measuring her worth according to how she responds to demands and contributes to the firm completely escapes her. She is a wonderful human being in many ways and yet she she is not worth much to the law firm. # 1 reason is that she is focused on her own needs so much that she just cannot comprehend or respond appropriately to anyone else’s.

    Constance Louise Brigman did not rate this post.
  • truthserum

    Be married to a deaf person. They are SO SELF ABSORBED AND NARCISSISTIC!!! I have horrible asthma and my husband asked me a question tonight. I was choking and having trouble breathing. He thought I was dissing him because he can’t hear!! Sick of the deaf community and their entitlement issues!!!

    truthserum did not rate this post.

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